The Ex-Libris Gazette
Volume 48. Edition 34.
Expounding the Truth since A.S. 421
The Scaxathrom hierarchy announced today that they are offering a five gold piece reward for the assassination of Ariel Yaska, the founder of the Scorganna movement. "It’s high time this blasphemous upstart is Silenced once and for all," said Scyral TeKKa, Chief high priest of the "true" Scaxathrom faith. Ariel Yaska made world headlines last month by restoring limited spellcasting capabilities to followers of the Scaxathrom Liberal Reform movement after the Lord of Vipers revoked that Sect’s supernatural powers.
A masked representative of the Calamarian Sisterhood issued a ransom demand for fifty platinum coins to the Admiral for the return of the stolen neutron bomb. "Pay us the cold, hard cash or we'll vaporise a randomly selected city in the North or the East," the masked terrorist proclaimed. "And then, when we have the money, we'll be able to rebuild the army of the Faithful and rid ourselves of the Matron and her illegitimate rule." The stem-to-stern searches of all ships arriving at the 12 major ports has thus failed to recover the missing weapon, and thus gives credence to the terrorists’ threat of mass destruction.
Tempers raged in Midian (South Point) when craftsmen representing the opposing forces of the Architect and Dulgar Gemfinder clashed over artistic differences in the ongoing reconstruction project. "I'm trying to be accommodating," the Architect said, "but these drones have got to go! Everything they build is square -- it’s just awful!" Labour Unit F-32E9 countered, saying, "The biological units are inefficient and slow. Our unit-workers are content to continue without the Architect’s interference." The city of Midian, destroyed by the Hemophage-III virus and subsequently burned to the ground, now appears almost like two half-cities pushed together -- one side with conventional contemporary construction, while the other half looks like austere monolithic cubes.
The ManMechs of West Point successfully completed their arduous journey across the sea and through the North Point badlands in order to occupy the radioactive city of Raven’s Cape. "We are grateful to the North Point Council for granting us free title to this city," Ramadon Kyle, the ManMech leader, said. "And we will rid this town of Undead sorcerers and Thousandeyes."
Six mysterious angelic beings came to the aid of Ex-Libris, just as the flames of Operation Fiery Moat began to gutter out. "We know what they are, but not who," the Purple Librarian declared. "these ‘High Ones’, as they call themselves, are angelic beings who have promised to keep the barrier flames burning for as long they can channel energy from the sun." High Ones are apparently less than Angels but more than man. With a storm front only a few days away, however, the unexpected help may not last. "Lord Vorani Bleakstone has broken the Law of Death," the High One leader proclaimed enigmatically. "His crimes shall not spread to Ex-Libris!"
In other war news, two pirate hunter captains, Anna Watermark and the Dark Lord, have both promised aid to Ex-Libris, and are headed for Paru at best possible speed. "If there’s one thing I hate as much as pirates, its evil tin-plated Scaxathromite dictators with delusions of godhood," Captain Watermark said. The Dark Lord, expressing similar sentiment, added, "My engineer warned that if I push this ship any faster, I’ll shake her apart. I said, ‘then shake her apart!’"
With Ex-Libris effectively under siege, Flesh & Blood First announced they are lending aid to Bleakstone’s forces. "Any group that wants to take Ex-Libris down a few pegs can't be all that bad," said Rikka Reede, FBF leader. "That city has gone too far too many times -- especially with their love of evil, twisted, job-confiscating Constructs! And, if God is Willing, that arch-collaborator and flesh-traitor Cardin Montross will catch a bullet!" The Abbon Mort and Sarcophka sects have also pledged aid to Bleakstone.
In lighter news, Green Librarian Deros Chan (of Chan Industries) announced he is partnering with Construct Akalla to create a new (and separate) design firm called ChanAkalla Engineering. "This unit is pleased to be able to start developing the Dimensional Anchor," Construct Akalla said via whirligig. "This device should make sea travel much safer once the engineering limitations are resolved." Construct Akalla was created in South Point with the original design purpose of powering a factory. He arrived in Ex-Libris two years ago and was the first sentient Construct to be granted political asylum. He has since then become the propulsion system for the Akalla’s Hope. Who knew he was such an engineer? Daros Chan is a local merchant and engineer who made world news six months ago with the launch of TrueGate, a system that allows lightweight objects to be instantaneously teleported across great distances. "Construct Akalla has one of the most brilliant minds I have ever encountered," Chan said. "He and I together shall truly change the world for the better!"
In theatre news, folk singer Johnny Goldpiece somehow managed to shoot his way through Bleakstone’s Undead blockade and cross the flaming threshold of Operation Fiery Moat to get to Ex-Libris in time for his weekend engagement at the Tome Theatre. "Well, it wasn't as bad as all that," the black-garbed singer said humbly. "All I did was cast a Ring of Fire to get past the deadites." Johnny Goldpiece is singing all of his favourite folk songs, including, "I shot my girlfriend, and now I'm gonna hang", "I bribed the jailer, so now I'm free", and "You say ‘murderer’ like it’s a bad thing", and many many more! Buy your tickets today!
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