The Ex-Libris Gazette
Volume 48. Edition 37
Expounding the Truth since A.S. 421!
Available by Whirligig!
The Scaxathrom Church of Wren’s Forge announced a new outreach programme to
the area’s elderly, disabled, and shut-ins. “We’re calling it ‘Hell on
Wheels’, and it’s going to be very exciting for those who could not ordinarily
attend worship services,” High Priest Scyral Tekka proclaimed. The Hell on
Wheels mission is meant primarily to allow the elderly and disabled to take a
more active part in the faith’s blood sacrifices and Undead conversion
ceremonies. “Indeed,” Tekka added, “the Elderly have the
option of participating in their own Undead conversion! Why wait to die of
natural causes when the promise of Eternal Life as a sentient, freewilled
Undead is only a ritual away!” The new Hell on Wheels programme is also meant
to stem the tide of attrition, now that the more liberal Scorganna cult is
pulling less conservative members away from the mainstream
Carolyn McDugal, niece of the murdered environmentalist Corgley McDugal,
offered an 11 SP reward for the capture of her uncle’s murderer. “I’ll never
understand why anyone would want to harm him,” she said tearfully in a Carthag
press conference. “He was just a nice old man who preferred to live alone.
He’d never hurt anyone. What monster would do such a thing? May Dommalon’s
Curse be upon his boots and bowstring!” Sheriff Cornelius Longshadow added his
own findings, saying, “We found some bootprints leading to and away from
McDugal’s domain. They have a unique pattern that no cobbler in this area
makes. We also found hunting cat and giant scorpion tracks, and McDougal was
not known to keep these as pets.” Due to
the sterile nature of the Deadwoods, humanoid and animal tracks sometimes
remain visible for weeks.
The Admiral announced a possible solution to the three-month-long siege of the
Awari financial district. “If we can’t access the Bank of Awari, then we’re
simply going to have to build a new bank!” The Admiral refused to confirm or
deny rumours that he is currently in negotiations with Chan Industries to
create a new banking institution in the Eastern capitol city. Financial
experts believe that large scale riots are only a few weeks away, as local
workers have been unable to cash payroll checks for
nearly ninety days. “While I’m not at liberty to say whom we’re contracting,”
the Admiral said, “once the deal is approved, it’s going to be fast-tracked so
that the good folk of Awari can start accessing their money again.” Deros
Chan, of Chan Industries, was unavailable for comment.
Local opposition to Mayor Crimson’s management of the West Point city of Orlo
have begun circulating a petition demanding a recall election to remove the
unpopular leader. “This spendthrift has tripled taxes in the past six months,
instituted an illegal “income” tax, and has used the money to build castles
and palaces for him and his cronies,” said Arn Blackplowman, leader of “Cross
Out Crimson”, a political action group critical of Crimson’s financial
schemes. “All the business are leaving,
and so are the citizens! If we’re going to save this city, we need new
leadership!” Mayor Crimson, through a spokesman, sneered, “What? A Northern
foreigner is going to oust me? He can’t even speak clear Calesian! And I’ve
got better style!” The petition needs 10,000 signatures to be valid.
Local fortune teller, Martin Del Torres, brought good fortune to Ex-Libris
yesterday when he and the Akalla’s Hope crew brought Lord Vorani Bleakstone to
Final Justice. “He was riding an Undead dragon, and the hellbeast was about to
blast us with its breath weapon when it seemed like an agent of the True One
guided my hand to the ship’s grappling hook. I pulled the trigger, and the
next thing I knew, Bleakstone was pulled right off his mount and fell three
hundred feed to his doom. Eli decapitated the baron and Librarian Kor impaled
the noble’s heart -- just to be on the safe side.!” While the baron’s two
skeleton lieutenants escaped using their own Undead dragons, it appears that
this dark chapter in Ex-Libris history is finally closed, thanks to Del Torres
and the brave heroes of the Akalla’s Hope.
Bounty Hunter Eli Razorclaw earned his reward when, over a two-day period,
brought two brutal murderers to Final Justice. The serial killer who was
systematically murdering all of the local casino dealers was buried in an
unconsecrated, unmarked grave yesterday. The murderer of Blue Librarian Angie
Hernandez was also given the Final Lesson after a brief struggle in which FBF
member Olak Druerd briefly and unsuccessfully resisted arrest in his squalid
hut outside of Ex-Libris. “Citizen Razorclaw’s attention to law, justice, and
honour has not gone unnoticed,” declared Black Librarian Illuvatar. The bounty
hunter was given an unspecified reward in which he was also sworn to secrecy.
Librarian Illuvatar also reminded the citizenry that there is no such thing as
a Colourless Librarian, and that such rumours are just faerie tales to scare
The eccentric manager of “Create-a-Creature” has been taking flack from local
parents for his odd approach to children’s toys. “I don’t see what’s so bad
with imbuing teddy bears and stuffed critters with Theoretical Engines. After
all, what can be more fun than having a toy to play with that also plays back?
And since they’re technically plush Constructs, they never wear out!” Many
parents, however, are less than amused, as one parent summarised, “These teddy
bears are driving me nuts! They romp
around the house day and night singing and knocking stuff over! When the
stuffed animals start playing with each other, it’s so sickeningly sweet that
I think I’m going to become diabetic! Aiieeee!!” Technically, Borna West has
not violated Ex-Libris law, since the Construct toys are in no way dangerous.
However, his practice has garnered criticism from Construct Rights advocates
like Dr Cardin Montross and Dulgar Gemfinder.
Black Librarian Kor bravely accomplished justice, Ex-Libris style, against the
manager of Chan’s Chances casino. “Chan’s own security chief turned him in for
swiping huge sums of cash from the till. That’s not only theft, but tax
evasion too!” After a brief trial, the errant manager was found guilty and set
loose on the front steps of the Great Library, where he was shot dead before
he got even a hundred feet. The security chief announced later that day that a
new manager, Construct Bob, was appointed as a
replacement. “You can count on us to always obey the law -- the very letter of
the law!” Deros Chan said through his consumer relations advisor.
Keep track of what your Librarians can do for you! Refer to their function by
Colour. And remember, friends, there's only one punishment for any crime in
Ex-Libris, so behave yourself while in our Fair City!
Black: Assassins. The bravest guardians of Knowledge and Order. They teach the
Final Lesson to the lawless!
Blue: Clerical Need copied made? Need theatre tickets? Need to renew a
smuggling license? Look no further!
Green: Master merchant/craftsmen. Need high quality and a great warranty, buy
Grey: Technical. Need a bridge built? Need a clock fixed? Got a busted pipe?
Grey is the Way!
Indigo: Journeymen. These are the brave seekers of the lost knowledge and
wisdom beyond our city gates!
Orange: Guards and Constables serving the Citizens of Ex-Libris and defending
us from law breakers.
Purple: The Chief Librarian. All praise our Master Librarian, Lord of
Red: Guard/Constable Captains - The Colour that doesn’t run!
White: True Librarians. Looking for a rare book, scroll, or map? Start your
Yellow: Students of the Ways of Colour - the Librarians of Tomorrow!