The Ex

The Scaxathrom Church of Wren’s Forge announced a new outreach programme to the area’s elderly, disabled, and shut-ins. “We’re calling it ‘Hell on Wheels’, and it’s going to be very exciting for those who could not ordinarily attend worship services,” High Priest Scyral Tekka proclaimed. The Hell on Wheels mission is meant primarily to allow the elderly and disabled to take a more active part in the faith’s blood sacrifices and Undead conversion ceremonies. “Indeed,” Tekka added, “the Elderly have the

option of participating in their own Undead conversion! Why wait to die of natural causes when the promise of Eternal Life as a sentient, freewilled Undead is only a ritual away!” The new Hell on Wheels programme is also meant to stem the tide of attrition, now that the more liberal Scorganna cult is pulling less conservative members away from the mainstream

Carolyn McDugal, niece of the murdered environmentalist Corgley McDugal, offered an 11 SP reward for the capture of her uncle’s murderer. “I’ll never understand why anyone would want to harm him,” she said tearfully in a Carthag press conference. “He was just a nice old man who preferred to live alone. He’d never hurt anyone. What monster would do such a thing? May Dommalon’s Curse be upon his boots and bowstring!” Sheriff Cornelius Longshadow added his own findings, saying, “We found some bootprints leading to and away from McDugal’s domain. They have a unique pattern that no cobbler in this area makes. We also found hunting cat and giant scorpion tracks, and McDougal was not known to keep these as pets.” Due to

The Admiral announced a possible solution to the three-month-long siege of the Awari financial district. “If we can’t access the Bank of Awari, then we’re simply going to have to build a new bank!” The Admiral refused to confirm or deny rumours that he is currently in negotiations with Chan Industries to create a new banking institution in the Eastern capitol city. Financial experts believe that large scale riots are only a few weeks away, as local workers have been unable to cash payroll checks for

nearly ninety days. “While I’m not at liberty to say whom we’re contracting,” the Admiral said, “once the deal is approved, it’s going to be fast-tracked so that the good folk of Awari can start accessing their money again.” Deros Chan, of Chan Industries, was unavailable for comment.

Local opposition to Mayor Crimson’s management of the West Point city of Orlo have begun circulating a petition demanding a recall election to remove the unpopular leader. “This spendthrift has tripled taxes in the past six months, instituted an illegal “income” tax, and has used the money to build castles and palaces for him and his cronies,” said Arn Blackplowman, leader of “Cross Out Crimson”, a political action group critical of Crimson’s financial schemes. “All the business are leaving,

and so are the citizens! If we’re going to save this city, we need new leadership!” Mayor Crimson, through a spokesman, sneered, “What? A Northern foreigner is going to oust me? He can’t even speak clear Calesian! And I’ve got better style!” The petition needs 10,000 signatures to be valid.

Local fortune teller, Martin Del Torres, brought good fortune to Ex-Libris yesterday when he and the Akalla’s Hope crew brought Lord Vorani Bleakstone to Final Justice. “He was riding an Undead dragon, and the hellbeast was about to blast us with its breath weapon when it seemed like an agent of the True One guided my hand to the ship’s grappling hook. I pulled the trigger, and the next thing I knew, Bleakstone was pulled right off his mount and fell three hundred feed to his doom. Eli decapitated the baron and Librarian Kor impaled the noble’s heart -- just to be on the safe side.!” While the baron’s two skeleton lieutenants escaped using their own Undead dragons, it appears that this dark chapter in Ex-Libris history is finally closed, thanks to Del Torres and the brave heroes of the Akalla’s Hope.

Bounty Hunter Eli Razorclaw earned his reward when, over a two-day period, brought two brutal murderers to Final Justice. The serial killer who was systematically murdering all of the local casino dealers was buried in an unconsecrated, unmarked grave yesterday. The murderer of Blue Librarian Angie Hernandez was also given the Final Lesson after a brief struggle in which FBF member Olak Druerd briefly and unsuccessfully resisted arrest in his squalid hut outside of Ex-Libris. “Citizen Razorclaw’s attention to law, justice, and honour has not gone unnoticed,” declared Black Librarian Illuvatar. The bounty hunter was given an unspecified reward in which he was also sworn to secrecy. Librarian Illuvatar also reminded the citizenry that there is no such thing as a Colourless Librarian, and that such rumours are just faerie tales to scare little children.

The eccentric manager of “Create-a-Creature” has been taking flack from local parents for his odd approach to children’s toys. “I don’t see what’s so bad with imbuing teddy bears and stuffed critters with Theoretical Engines. After all, what can be more fun than having a toy to play with that also plays back? And since they’re technically plush Constructs, they never wear out!” Many parents, however, are less than amused, as one parent summarised, “These teddy bears are driving me nuts! They romp

around the house day and night singing and knocking stuff over! When the stuffed animals start playing with each other, it’s so sickeningly sweet that I think I’m going to become diabetic! Aiieeee!!” Technically, Borna West has not violated Ex-Libris law, since the Construct toys are in no way dangerous. However, his practice has garnered criticism from Construct Rights advocates like Dr Cardin Montross and Dulgar Gemfinder.

Black Librarian Kor bravely accomplished justice, Ex-Libris style, against the manager of Chan’s Chances casino. “Chan’s own security chief turned him in for swiping huge sums of cash from the till. That’s not only theft, but tax evasion too!” After a brief trial, the errant manager was found guilty and set loose on the front steps of the Great Library, where he was shot dead before he got even a hundred feet. The security chief announced later that day that a new manager, Construct Bob, was appointed as a

Keep track of what your Librarians can do for you! Refer to their function by Colour. And remember, friends, there's only one punishment for any crime in Ex-Libris, so behave yourself while in our Fair City!

The Ex-Libris Gazette

Volume 48. Edition 37

Expounding the Truth since A.S. 421!

Available by Whirligig!

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