The Ex-Libris Gazette
Volume 48. Edition 38
Expounding the Truth since A.S. 421!
Available by Whirligig!
Scyral Tekka announced stunning success with the new “Hell on Wheels”
Scaxathromite outreach programme. “We’ve helped three hundred elderly citizens
and over ninety beggars reach the ultimate goal of the faith: to become a
sentient, freewilled Undead. And this programme is just the beginning! Hell on
Wheels will be expanded to other cities soon, including
Myracannon, Greco’s Gulch, and Cape North!” Critics of the programme question
how many of those converted to Undead were actually willing participants,
however. “Surely, no one would turn down our offer,” Tekka scoffed. “The
Scorganna rebels are simply jealous that their false-goddess can’t grant them
In lighter news, legendary diner owner and part-time adventurer Bev Lexington
won this year’s annual Touchstone Pickle Festival contest with her delicious
pickled tomatoes. “We’ve got more where these came from,” Lexington told a
cheering crowd as she received her trophy and the two hundred pound pumpkin
(this year’s prize). “And it looks like we’re about to have a sale on pumpkin
pies, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin soup, and pumpkin fritters!” Second place
winner, Gregor Borshakov, the local
environmental activist, won a medallion and a one hundred pound squash for his
famous purple pickled eggs. Onyx Caratha, the Speaker for the Dead of
Emptygulch, took the third prize, a ribbon and a fifty pound cucumber, for his
pickled spicy onions.
With Baron Vorani Bleakstone dead, the Smith declared indefinitely missing,
and Bleakstone’s lieutenants in exile, the West Point Clan Council met today
to determine what kind of leadership should be provided for the town of
Bleakstone’s March. “Clearly, the feudal model didn’t work for this town,” the
Clan Trelaine council leader explained. “We’re going to have to put the town
under temporary martial law just to prevent looting. Once the town is
stabilised, we’ll have to decide on a new
leadership charter.” When asked if the Clan Council was considering the
Ex-Libris governmental model, Trelain replied, “No. . . I don’t think we’re
going to do that. One Ex-Libris, while greatly appreciated, is plenty for West
A curious weather phenomenon was noted fifty miles off the southern coast of
West Point this week. “It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen,” Wayfinder Min
Delrey explained. “It’s a stationary waterspout about a mile high. There are
no clouds in the sky, and it just stands there swirling and swirling!” Given
that the bulk of the Western Fleet is currently in drydock for repairs and
maintenance following the Southern Civil War, the West Point Clan Council is
accepting applications from qualified adventurers with scientific or
environmentalist backgrounds to study this phenomenon. “We can’t say the
waterspout is exactly a threat,” the Clan Trelaine leader remarked. “But we
can’t allow navigation through that area until we know what’s causing it.” The
Admiral also agreed with the travel restriction.
Celebrated Archeologist and White Librarian Cardin Montross made history this
week with his first successful test of the Superstring Extrusion Drive™, a
faster-than-light propulsion system. “We’re very excited with the alpha-test
results,” Montross exclaimed. “While the alpha-test was powered with a
portable Theoretical Propulsion System that was able to move the test hull one
mile before its energy was exhausted, I have great hope that we can travel
much further using the Akalla’s Hope power
system.” The alpha test was carried out ten miles north of town on a flat
prairie. No abnormal radiation was detected following the alpha-test. “Unlike
the TrueGate™, which momentarily joins two spaces together, my drive actually
pushes the test-hull by unwinding the subatomic 10-dimensional superstrings in
a single direction. As the local superstrings ‘snap’, the kinetic energy
creates a local, isolated unidirectional momentum that pushes everything in
the area effect at once, thus overcoming the problem of asymmetric inertia --
which would crush the passengers if not compensated for!”
In related news, the Great Library’s astronomy department announced today that
it will offer White Liberian Montross a research grant for developing an
astronomical probe that could transmit scientific data on other worlds in the
Gai system back to Ex-Libris. “We haven’t had any new science since the Great
Cataclysm,” Master Researcher Deckard Cain explained. “Our ground-based
telescopes have gathered about as much information as they can. But if we
could get a telescope outside the atmosphere, that would open quite a few
doors for us!”
Local Bounty Hunter Eli Razorclaw recieved zoning permission today to start
constructing an exotic dance club in District Four. “It’s good, clean, adult
entertainment,” Citizen Razorclaw explained. “This ain’t no stinkin’
whorehouse! It’s going to have beautiful, athletic dancers of all races, and
lots of premium booze -- not cheap rotgut like some adult establishments in
District Four serve!”
The Tome Theatre is proud to present “Lies”, a musical comedy of two opposing
mayoral candidates and their trumped up charges against each other. See two
stuffed-shirt politicians fall flat on their faces in this hilarious story of
payoffs, tax schemes, forged records, and trumped-up tales of dubious war
heroism. Waffles will be served during the intermission! The Illuvatar’s
Honour Dinner Theatre will be hosting “The Fast and the Ventilated,” a tale of
a bully-sheriff who guns down all who stands against him, and the brave woman
who had the courage who face his guns. Beef jerky and baked beans will be
served during intermission. Finally, High Tech Times is proud to present
episode one of “Eagle’s Peak”, a ten part serial of greed, wine, infidelity,
and unchecked capitalism. Umberdale Valiant Blanc will be served during
intermission. Save 10% by buying a Friday-Saturday-Sunday combo! See your
local Blue Librarian for prices and tickets!
Keep track of what your Librarians can do for you! Refer to their function by
Colour. And remember, friends, there's only one punishment for any crime in
Ex-Libris, so behave yourself while in our Fair City!
Black: Assassins. The bravest guardians of Knowledge and Order. They teach the
Final Lesson to the lawless!
Blue: Clerical Need copied made? Need theatre tickets? Need to renew a
smuggling license? Look no further!
Green: Master merchant/craftsmen. Need high quality and a great warranty, buy
Grey: Technical. Need a bridge built? Need a clock fixed? Got a busted pipe?
Grey is the Way!
Indigo: Journeymen. These are the brave seekers of the lost knowledge and
wisdom beyond our city gates!
Orange: Guards and Constables serving the Citizens of Ex-Libris and defending
us from law breakers.
Purple: The Chief Librarian. All praise our Master Librarian, Lord of
Red: Guard/Constable Captains - The Colour that doesn’t run!
White: True Librarians. Looking for a rare book, scroll, or map? Start your
Yellow: Students of the Ways of Colour - the Librarians of Tomorrow!