The Ex-Libris Gazette

Volume 48. Edition 39

Expounding the Truth since A.S. 421!

Available by Whirligig!


High Priest Scyral Tekka, of the Scaxathrom faith, announced Phase II of “Hell on Wheels” today in a press conference in Wren’s Forge (NP). “With the overwhelming turnout for HOW, we now have a new army of willing, freewilled, sentient Undead fighters and spellcasters to combat the growing threat of those Sarcophka upstarts! So, my faithful, now is not the time to ask when you can help your brethren -- rather, it’s time to ask HOW!” He then laughed evilly before dismissing the conference. At last count, the Scaxathromite “Hell on Wheels” mission had effectively depopulated Wren’s Forge of beggars, prostitutes, vagrants, convicted criminals, luckless adventurers, disabled persons, and the homebound elderly. “Reverend Tekka’s programme has been a true godsend,” the mayor of Wren’s Forge added. “Who else could get rid of the human debris from the street corner, empty the hospitals and prisons, and do something about the old hags and nags -- all in just three weeks? He’s a miracle worker!”
Bev Lexington, owner of the famous Lexington Diner in Emptygulch (NP), gave authorities crucial information in the tragic Corgley McDugal murder case. “It was a couple of days after the murder,” she explained. “A human, dressed all in black, came into the diner for a bowl of pumpkin soup, and I noticed he had a tiger and a giant scorpion tied to the hitching post outside. He didn’t say much, but I remember his armour -- I’ve only ever seen one other suit of armour like it; ancient technology, not made of leather or metal. I don’t know what it was made of. But I’m sure that man’s the murderer!” Citizen Lexington added a silver piece to the growing bounty for the capture of the sadistic killer that not only murdered Corgley McDugal, an environmentalist who was researching a way to restore the Deadwoods to life, but tore him limb-from-limb and burned down his house.
Followers of the Sarcophka faith petitioned the North Point council to officially recognise their religion. “The paperwork was filed properly,” said Brand Malinov, council president. “It’s not like we don’t already recognise other evil religions, such as the Scaxathromite and the Illuthielite faiths.” Official recognition from the council is crucial in attaining tax-exempt status for the fledgling faith. “The council will put it to a vote this Friday,” Malinov added amidst howls of protest from Scaxathromite demonstrators. In related news, the Scorganna cult also filed similar paperwork for tax-exempt status.
The mysterious waterspout that has been whirling off the southern tip of West Point has grown in both height and radius. “Other than its centrifugal motion, it’s basically stationary,” observed Wayfinder Min Delrey, ecologist for the city of Ex-Libris. “Of course, it’s spinning fast enough to make it pretty darned windy when one gets too close to it. If I could hitch a ride on a scientifically equipped vessel, I’d have a better shot at figuring out what’s making this twister tick!” Due to the increased height and wind, the Admiral expanded the “no-sail zone” to ten miles around the anomalous disturbance.
The Purple Librarian expressed deep concern over the apparent disappearance of the Akalla’s Hope and her crew yesterday. “The last thing we heard from the ship was a garbled message on VTTP, asking to talk to the ‘Rainbow Librarian’, whatever that is! And then there was no further contact.” The landship failed to arrive Rivna as planned. “I sent the crew to retrieve the evil Book of Sarcophka, in the hope that I could analyse and disarm the evil magic of that book,” Master Researcher Deckard Cain
added. Indigo Librarian Maggie Rockaby was sent to the last known location of the Akalla’s Hope and found evidence of major combat against a powerful Undead monster -- possibly a Dark Halo. “The tracks from the ship’s caterpillar drive just stopped, but there’s no ship and no wreckage,” she reported.
In a related story, White Librarian Deckard Cain theorised that an unlucky combination of factors could have lead to the disappearance of the Akalla’s Hope. “The spot where the Akalla’s Hope vanished coincides with an intersection of seven TrueGate ley lines. Add to that, the presence of the ship’s own Superstring Extrusion Drive, a powerful thunderstorm, and
an attack on them by a monster that functioned as a death magic conduit to the Abyss -- well, that’s a lot of interdimensional distortion in just one place!” Whether the ship was destroyed, or merely fell through a crack in spacetime, the Master Researcher could not say.
Master Assassin Illuvatar issued a public safety warning for this weekend.  “As you all know, this weekend marks the three day festival of Robbermass for the Charnalites. These cretins will probably try to rob the graves at the Hill of Heroes in order to satisfy their own greed for stolen loot.” The Black Librarian ordered a unit of Tan Librarian reservists to guard the  graveyard this weekend, and granted shoot-on-site authority against anyone disturbing the graves of Ex-Libris’ fallen heroes.
Blue Librarian Yemmi Olo’Ton is pleased to announce the release of the Six Day War wide-area combat action pack. “This commemorative game has over one hundred pieces, representing Ex-Libris forces, Bleakstone’s Undead minions, and Chan’s mercenary units. The boxed set comes with a scrollable hex map, polyhedral dice, and a concise rulebook. Will Ex-Libris win when you play, or will the forces of darkness conquer all? Buy the game and find out!” Only two hundred copies of this game are scheduled to be made, so reserve your Six Day War action pack today! Prices start at 25 CP for the standard edition with wooden pieces, while for only 50 CP, you can get the deluxe model with stainless steel unit markers! See your local Blue Librarian today while supplies last!
Keep track of what your Librarians can do for you! Refer to their function by Colour. And remember, friends, there's only one punishment for any crime in Ex-Libris, so behave yourself while in our Fair City!
Black: Assassins. The bravest guardians of Knowledge and Order. They teach the Final Lesson to the lawless!
Blue: Clerical Need copied made? Need theatre tickets? Need to renew a smuggling license? Look no further!
Green: Master merchant/craftsmen. Need high quality and a great warranty, buy Green!
Grey: Technical. Need a bridge built? Need a clock fixed? Got a busted pipe? Grey is the Way!
Indigo: Journeymen. These are the brave seekers of the lost knowledge and wisdom beyond our city gates!
Orange: Guards and Constables serving the Citizens of Ex-Libris and defending us from law breakers.
Purple: The Chief Librarian. All praise our Master Librarian, Lord of Knowledge!
Red: Guard/Constable Captains - The Colour that doesn’t run!
White: True Librarians. Looking for a rare book, scroll, or map? Start your search here!
Tan: Our reservists on times of need!
Yellow: Students of the Ways of Colour - the Librarians of Tomorrow!