The Ex-Libris Gazette

Volume 69. Edition 40

Day 344, A.S. 521

Expounding the Truth since A.S. 421!

Available by Whirligig!


The brave crew of the Akalla's Hope, missing for 21 years and previously declared dead, proved the truth of their legends by creating a "bleeder valve" into the Great Spiral. "This mechanism basically takes pressure off the Great Spiral by taking water pressure away from it at its source, not where it manifests," Captain Kirby of Caldeni explained. "We routed the water flow through a turbine that creates a force known as 'electricity'. Right now, not a lot of people use it thanks to the lack of solar power these days, but who knows? Electricity could become the next big thing, and this turbine generates plenty of it!"
Min Delray chief ecologist for the Cross-Point Joint Ecology Task Force (CP/JETF) confirmed that the "bleeder valve" is extracting just enough kinetic energy and water pressure from the Great Spiral to eventually effect a progressive reduction in its power and intensity. "You won't seen anything change right away, but a year from not, the Great Spiral should start to visibly shrink. I believe years two through five will have the greatest impact. After that, the Spiral should, in theory, be reduced to a mere navigational hazard." When asked about the related problem of global sea level increase, Min Delray replied, "We're trying to solve one problem at a time. It's going to be at least three or four years before the port cities start having any real problems." As our readers may know, sea level worldwide has increased six inches since the manifestation of the Great Spiral two decades ago. Most of that rise has taken place in the past 18 months.
The Council of Great Immortals has finally confirmed the existence of two new Immortals that have replaced the deposed Banker and Smith. "It pains me to announce this," the Professor (of North Point) said, "but I'm afraid that the two newcomers to our rarefied club of twelve seem to be as evil as they are powerful. The Engineer, who has come to power in East Point, seems to want to create an army of cyborgs in order to make everyone conform to his idea of efficiency. And the mortal formerly known as Chudra Blothan has emerged as an eternal scourge of the high seas and has taken on the name of the Pirate." It would seem that with two seafaring Immortals at each other's throats (the Dark Lord and the Pirate), shipping and sea voyages won't be boring.
The last living citizens departed the abandoned capitol city of Carthag (North Point) this evening. In a solemn ceremony, the Twelve Flags of North Point were lowered from Requiem Tower and burned to ashes. Council President Robart Brightsky broke the city's Master Key and gave the two pieces to the Skeleton King at sunset. With the end of the Undead Truce, living citizens are urged to take even greater caution when travelling near the former capitol as the new leader warned that he "takes no responsibility for what happens to the living." Starting tomorrow, Brighton's Reach becomes the new North Point capitol.
Chan Insurance, a subsidiary of Chan Industries, announced today that it is temporarily suspending acquisition of new clients. "It's like this," Lord Deros Chan explained, "With the Great Spiral causing floods, mudslides, and other ecological disasters, we've had enough home and property damage claims to eat up the profits for the past ten years. We can cover our existing clients using the fund's cash reserves, but we just cannot take on more underwriting risk until the Great Spiral is a bit more under control."
The High Tech Times dinner theatre closed its doors for the last time yesterday. "We had a good run, and it's been a lot of fun," Jacob LaRoo, proprietor, said. "But we've been running on red ink for five years straight, and there's just nothing left in the corporate coffers." High Tech Times had a 22-year run as a dinner theatre that produced re-enactments of the old-style "detergent operas", which were melodramatic serials of unintentional comedic value. Other novelties included the use of a utensil called a "fork", which predated the current dining picks now widely employed. Because HTT is able to pay its creditors, Jacob LaRoo will not receive a visit from the Black Librarians.
The Purple Librarian accounted a new plan to help stem the disturbing depopulation trend that has afflicted the city for two decades. "For the next five years, with option to renew, I am hereby waiving the annual Occupation Tax on any married couple that has three or more children." Childbirth worldwide has been much lower than the death rate for the past ten years, and has been nearly nil for the past five. Ex-Libris in particular has had close to a zero-birth rate due to the fact that most of the research staff of the city have been working on projects 'round-the-clock for the CP/JETF.
The Master of Knowledge also issued a compromise decree that settles once and for all the question of legal leadership of the Glyph Library. "The ghost of the original Purple Librarian, Jae McCollum, is hereby granted the status of shadow-Purple Librarian and will retain all powers and responsibilities of the office of the Purple Librarian in the event that the current Purple Librarian of Glyph, Maggy Rockaby, is unavailable for an extended period of time or is incapacitated due to illness and injury." While this rule technically breaks the longstanding rule prohibiting the Undead from assuming a Librarian Colour, this exception was made because Jae McCollum was a Purple Librarian prior to his brutal murder that turned him into an avenging spirit.
Keep track of what your Librarians can do for you! Refer to their function by Colour. And remember, friends, there's only one punishment for any crime in Ex-Libris, so behave yourself while in our Fair City!
Black: Assassins. The bravest guardians of Knowledge and Order. They teach the Final Lesson to the lawless!
Blue: Clerical Need copied made? Need theatre tickets? Need to renew a smuggling license? Look no further!
Green: Master merchant/craftsmen. Need high quality and a great warranty, buy Green!
Grey: Technical. Need a bridge built? Need a clock fixed? Got a busted pipe? Grey is the Way!
Indigo: Journeymen. These are the brave seekers of the lost knowledge and wisdom beyond our city gates!
Orange: Guards and Constables serving the Citizens of Ex-Libris and defending us from law breakers.
Purple: The Chief Librarian. All praise our Master Librarian, Lord of Knowledge!
Red: Guard/Constable Captains - The Colour that doesn't run!
White: True Librarians. Looking for a rare book, scroll, or map? Start your search here!
Tan: Our reservists on times of need!
Yellow: Students of the Ways of Colour - the Librarians of Tomorrow!