The Ex-Libris Gazette
Volume 69. Edition 40
Day 344, A.S. 521
Expounding the Truth since A.S. 421!
Available by Whirligig!
The brave crew of the Akalla's Hope, missing for 21 years and previously
declared dead, proved the truth of their legends by creating a "bleeder valve"
into the Great Spiral. "This mechanism basically takes pressure off the Great
Spiral by taking water pressure away from it at its source, not where it
manifests," Captain Kirby of Caldeni explained. "We routed the water flow
through a turbine that creates a force known as 'electricity'. Right now, not
a lot of people use it thanks to the lack of solar power these days, but who
knows? Electricity could become the next big thing, and this turbine generates
plenty of it!"
Min Delray chief ecologist for the Cross-Point Joint Ecology Task Force (CP/JETF)
confirmed that the "bleeder valve" is extracting just enough kinetic energy
and water pressure from the Great Spiral to eventually effect a progressive
reduction in its power and intensity. "You won't seen anything change right
away, but a year from not, the Great Spiral should start to visibly shrink. I
believe years two through five will have the greatest impact. After that, the
Spiral should, in theory, be reduced to a mere navigational hazard." When
asked about the related problem of global sea level increase, Min Delray
replied, "We're trying to solve one problem at a time. It's going to be at
least three or four years before the port cities start having any real
problems." As our readers may know, sea level worldwide has increased six
inches since the manifestation of the Great Spiral two decades ago. Most of
that rise has taken place in the past 18 months.
The Council of Great Immortals has finally confirmed the existence of two new
Immortals that have replaced the deposed Banker and Smith. "It pains me to
announce this," the Professor (of North Point) said, "but I'm afraid that the
two newcomers to our rarefied club of twelve seem to be as evil as they are
powerful. The Engineer, who has come to power in East Point, seems to want to
create an army of cyborgs in order to make everyone conform to his idea of
efficiency. And the mortal formerly known as Chudra Blothan has emerged as an
eternal scourge of the high seas and has taken on the name of the Pirate." It
would seem that with two seafaring Immortals at each other's throats (the Dark
Lord and the Pirate), shipping and sea voyages won't be boring.
The last living citizens departed the abandoned capitol city of Carthag (North
Point) this evening. In a solemn ceremony, the Twelve Flags of North Point
were lowered from Requiem Tower and burned to ashes. Council President Robart
Brightsky broke the city's Master Key and gave the two pieces to the Skeleton
King at sunset. With the end of the Undead Truce, living citizens are urged to
take even greater caution when travelling near the former capitol as the new
leader warned that he "takes no responsibility for what happens to the
living." Starting tomorrow, Brighton's Reach becomes the new North Point
Chan Insurance, a subsidiary of Chan Industries, announced today that it is
temporarily suspending acquisition of new clients. "It's like this," Lord
Deros Chan explained, "With the Great Spiral causing floods, mudslides, and
other ecological disasters, we've had enough home and property damage claims
to eat up the profits for the past ten years. We can cover our existing
clients using the fund's cash reserves, but we just cannot take on more
underwriting risk until the Great Spiral is a bit more under control."
The High Tech Times dinner theatre closed its doors for the last time
yesterday. "We had a good run, and it's been a lot of fun," Jacob LaRoo,
proprietor, said. "But we've been running on red ink for five years straight,
and there's just nothing left in the corporate coffers." High Tech Times had a
22-year run as a dinner theatre that produced re-enactments of the old-style
"detergent operas", which were melodramatic serials of unintentional comedic
value. Other novelties included the use of a utensil called a "fork", which
predated the current dining picks now widely employed. Because HTT is able to
pay its creditors, Jacob LaRoo will not receive a visit from the Black
The Purple Librarian accounted a new plan to help stem the disturbing
depopulation trend that has afflicted the city for two decades. "For the next
five years, with option to renew, I am hereby waiving the annual Occupation
Tax on any married couple that has three or more children." Childbirth
worldwide has been much lower than the death rate for the past ten years, and
has been nearly nil for the past five. Ex-Libris in particular has had close
to a zero-birth rate due to the fact that most of the research staff of the
city have been working on projects 'round-the-clock for the CP/JETF.
The Master of Knowledge also issued a compromise decree that settles once and
for all the question of legal leadership of the Glyph Library. "The ghost of
the original Purple Librarian, Jae McCollum, is hereby granted the status of
shadow-Purple Librarian and will retain all powers and responsibilities of the
office of the Purple Librarian in the event that the current Purple Librarian
of Glyph, Maggy Rockaby, is unavailable for an extended period of time or is
incapacitated due to illness and injury." While this rule technically breaks
the longstanding rule prohibiting the Undead from assuming a Librarian Colour,
this exception was made because Jae McCollum was a Purple Librarian prior to
his brutal murder that turned him into an avenging spirit.
Keep track of what your Librarians can do for you! Refer to their function by
Colour. And remember, friends, there's only one punishment for any crime in
Ex-Libris, so behave yourself while in our Fair City!
Black: Assassins. The bravest guardians of Knowledge and Order. They teach the
Final Lesson to the lawless!
Blue: Clerical Need copied made? Need theatre tickets? Need to renew a
smuggling license? Look no further!
Green: Master merchant/craftsmen. Need high quality and a great warranty, buy
Grey: Technical. Need a bridge built? Need a clock fixed? Got a busted pipe?
Grey is the Way!
Indigo: Journeymen. These are the brave seekers of the lost knowledge and
wisdom beyond our city gates!
Orange: Guards and Constables serving the Citizens of Ex-Libris and defending
us from law breakers.
Purple: The Chief Librarian. All praise our Master Librarian, Lord of
Red: Guard/Constable Captains - The Colour that doesn't run!
White: True Librarians. Looking for a rare book, scroll, or map? Start your
Tan: Our reservists on times of need!
Yellow: Students of the Ways of Colour - the Librarians of Tomorrow!