The Parse Sooth-Sayer
“Truth for All, All for the Truth”
Nokul 27, 2732
Tragedy struck the Eastern District of Parse last evening as the Interloper’s crime spree continued unabated. The crazed murderers from the outer world slew over thirty men, women, and children -- actually cutting them in half using razor-sharp swords coated with some sort of organic toxin. The Deity-hating heathens nearly destroyed the Church of the Angry Judge as well, knocking down the front of the building and an internal load-bearing member.
Perhaps the greatest tragedy of all is not the property destruction or the loss of sinners’ lives, but the death of one of the finest and bravest apex-predators ever created in Sublevel-8 of Reform House. “I can’t believe those bastards killed the Ravanche Noir,” said a masked, teary-eyed government scientist in charge of black-box projects. “That giant centipede was supposed to be the ultimate weapon against lawlessness and civil disobedience. I can only hope that the Interlopers are flayed alive for this travesty!” The Ravanche Noir was the largest of it’s type ever created, being the size of a house and chomping out evil-doers with its array of four retractable heads. “The Revanche Noir will be missed,” the scientist added. “This is a dark day for Law and Order.
In revenge for the untimely demise of the Revanche Noir, the Grey Masks rounded up two dozen civilians at random in the early hours of the morning and had them whipped to death in front of their next of kin, who were also beaten with truncheons, but not to the point of death. “That’ll teach you sinners to tow the line,” exclaimed the High Executioner as the black buzzards swooped down from the sky to feast off the dead. “This is the payment for not helping us, your lawful betters, capture the Interlopers!”
The Venom Tongue Theatre is looking for aspiring actors to fill some open roles in the smash-hit revival of “Death and Circuses”. Actors interested should be of sturdy constitution, and have some experience wielding knives, daggers, and swords. Experienced “method” actors with innate regenerative capabilities are paid double!
That’s right, sinners, it’s time once again for this month’s Puzzle Contest, where you can win a pile of creds or an agonising death! The first correct entry wins 300 creds, while the last entry gets beaten to death. This month, we’re adding a little more excitement to the mix. The loser gets to choose his own form of demise: by truncheons, whips, drowning, crucifixion, or being baked alive in an oven! So. . . just unscramble the five phrases, for fast cash or slow death!
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FRIED SUN RUM
LIKELY FLOURS
ME ASK THE BOYS
MALL OR FOOD
DRY RENT IS IN
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Not for the Players: This puzzle is a tougher nut to crack, so the first one to solve the whole thing gets 2,000 XP!
Incomplete entries get the following: Solve 1: 100XP; solve 2: 250XP; solve 3: 500xp, solve 4: 1,000XP.