The Parse Sooth-Sayer
Truth for All, All for the Truth
Nokul 31, 2732
OP&T sources warned today that the dangerous, traitorous, and godless Interlopers have breached the Ring of Twisted Buildings and are seeking to burn the Great Windmill to the ground. As we all know, sinners, should the Windmill be destroyed, everyone in Parse would die. But fear not, slackers, your government is always a step ahead of the game. The Office of Punishment & Torture is proud to unleash the Revenmort, a ten foot tall three-headed, six-armed, Undead swordsman who has a thirst for justice and Interloper souls!
The Shriveled Head Bar & Grill is pleased to launch "Arm Death", a new arm-wrestling game that's sweeping the city! Starting tonight, area toughs can compete for cash, prizes, or a painful bite on the arm by a poisonous snake or spider! It's fun entertainment for the entire family!
The Office of Truth & Patriotism issued a statement confirming rumors that the sky has been three lumens brighter by day and six lumens darker by night. Also, Parse experienced 1/20" of precipitation from a freak drizzle last night at midnight. When asked what this means for the city as a whole, the brave, honest, and ever-vigilant spokesman for the altruistic Overmask said "No comment!"
Always practice proper Parse virtues for a long, happy, orderly life: See nothing, say nothing, think nothing, do nothing!